Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
