I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
