Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
