i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
