I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
