he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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