Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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