i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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