i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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