Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
