How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
