i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
