need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
