I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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