Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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