I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
false alarm, still single
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