Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
