Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
