you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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