She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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