Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
