Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
