I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
