ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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