we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
