as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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