You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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