Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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