I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize