First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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