Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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