We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
