He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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