I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
