ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize