Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
