College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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