Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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