TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
