dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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