In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
