so that wasnt chicken after all
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
