i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
