I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
