Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
