Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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