I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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