im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
