shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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