this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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