You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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