Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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