Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
