Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
