I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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