I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
