Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
