Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
