I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
