We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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