either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
