I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
