I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've blown a few things in my day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
