Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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