I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize