I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we should paint friendship bongs
PANTIES FOUND
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize