The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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