I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
