Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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