I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
